as i sit here listening to john mayer, in my pj's, I ponder the path i'm taking with my life. am i wasting precious youthful joyful time worrying about things that are so untrivial, and unimportant? how i long for the days of kindergarten, how careless and free we were. sure, we had to take nap times, and eat our cookies, but i know a lot of people who would give for nap and cookie time. (me! me!)

anti-boy antics like first grade, being bitchy and negative in jr high, and being so "grown-up" in upper class high school. sometimes, i wish i had met nathan back then, so i could have taken him to my prom, and I could have saved him from all the heart ache he had gone through. I wish sometimes, that I was invicible, that people could say things to me and I would think nothing of it.

I wish sometimes, that I did not get attached to things, people, places.

Like the fact that i am attached to nathan, *sigh*, and even though he does me wrong, and he totally SCREWS me over, i'm willing to forgive him again, and again. and how when he's mad at me i just want to laugh in his face. how dare U get mad at ME!

back to the attached thing, like i have this teddy bear, it's name is lazzy, and i've had this thing since i was like five or something. i love the damn thing, i'm going to be buried with it I swear! that bear has seen so many tears it could make a lake! i'm attached to certain make up, perfume, hair styles, I supposed I'm a slave to myself.

If I really wanted to not do something i would not do it.

on a better note i guess, I FINALLY have my wisdom teeth out surgery scheduled, for May 2nd! Whhooo hooo.

these evil things will be coming out of my mouth. today I recieved the package I ordered from

this punk rock store and they LEFT out one of my items! The new Dashboard Confessional EP, Summer's Kiss. Those g'd m'f's. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. SO i emailed my distaste, and they should be fixing the problem, or i'll fix 'dem.

awwww put 'em up sonny!

i owe a lot of people apologies, and if it's you, I'm sorry.

Would you like to know what nathan did?

I can't even type it in here, i'll get depressed and think about it and feel horrible. *sigh* why am i setting myself up to get hurt again? Do i LIKE pain? Is that what I want? I mean, after all, all I did today was ask him what channel was his on mirc, and he called me a "fucking bitch." as he acted like he was leaving. then as I cried, he told me to "Knock it off."

.........................

that's enough for tonight, i'm getting depressed again... and I should get to sleep before my teeth hurt.

past | present

Bledgirlblue - 2003

2002 Review - 12.20.02

.end.password.blows. - 12.04.02

.nothing.fuck.it. - 11.25.02

.im.good.friend. - 11.25.02