There's a hope in my head that's been cut

and bled dry as your bloodshot eyes.

And there's smoke in the air

and it's soon to clear revealing our demise.

There are some who say that it's a.o.k.

if it makes you feel alright.

It's just way too bad

now you're worse than sad

all locked up there inside.

And I don't know how you feel

but I'll make you a deal

if you make it out alive.

My shoulders and ears are all yours my dear.

I hope it comes as no suprise.

You've been known to say that you're a.o.k.

when you're feeling sick(dead) inside.

I just want you to know

I've got no place to go until the day you die.

While you're waiting, be thankful for your fingers.

I'll be fading with the colors of your pictures.

"I'm not crying wolf" you whispered,

"I'm really dead this time."

They locked you up.

They threw away the key.

Sutchured your mouth shut.

Murdered your family.

Right before your eyes, what could you do?

Right before your eyes, they took it all from you.

You're contemplating you hanging from your ceiling.

I can't help hating you for having that feeling.

I'm not joking when I tell you I'd miss you all the time.

I already miss you all the time.

Alkaline Trio - While Your Waiting

This is has to be my favorite Alkaline Trio Song. They are coming to Ohio for Warped Tour, unfortunetley, I can't spell, and I cannot afford to go.

I just got up not too long ago, and I slept on my neck wrong, it hurts. I woke up this morning in the same position I went to sleep to last night. THAT is a rare thing indeed. Then I move, and fixed my neck and went back to sleep. Then my grandmother came upstairs, asked me if I was going to get up, (sydney is NOT here that's why I was sleeping, she's with my mother... another subject) Grandma was excited because she had recieved a thing in the mail from verizon, (she actually pronounces it ver Is Zon) hehe. I go, verizon grandma? she goes, yeah, they sent us something about dsl, I'm like, cool, i'll call.. so I call and they are like, dsl isn't available in your area. DAMN IT

Direct TV has a FUCKING monopoly on our community, they want us to shell out some big bucks for DIRECT TV SATIELLITE CONNECTION. Yeah, it's like, fucking expensive.

GOOD NEWS

I got a JOB yesterday!!! YEHAAA! It's at a doctor's office in Troy Ohio, which is where I think I want to live anyways. (hehe) and I can send Sydney to one of the schools in troy, (they arne't bad for being big ones I think).

I'll be started out at 8.10 an hour, which kinda sucks, but oh well. I get to get experience with working in a medical enviornment. This job opens so many doors for me and my short term goals. I'm so happy. My boss Cindy, seems really awesome, and the head nurse/team leader Chris seems awesome too! Yeah. There's the awesome good news.

BAD NEWS

I was at a show last night with my brother Levi, and we were talking, and his (i'm assuming girlfriend) Leesa was there, and I put my arm around him, and I said, you know, you should stay here and go to Miami University with Leesa, (they are REALLY cute together) and he goes, well, i have been considering not going with all the stuff mom's going through. (Here's me... huh? is she depressed?)

I'm like what stuff? Oh, you don't know? NO LEVI, I DON'T KNOW. What's going on? Well. Supposedly last week or so, my mom told my wonderful step dad, who i consider my dad, (levi's dad is my dad too, a girl who doesn't have a REAL dad is entitled to however many dad's she wants to have! lol)

well.. anyways.. my mom told my dad that she "loved him, but didn't know if she was 'in love' with him anymore."

Now, I guess you would have to know my mom, to understand this coming out of her mouth. And you would have to understand my hard, crappy, life to understand why that would upset me so much. But I REALLY REALLY hate going into my past, it's something I try to keep locked up in that box I talk about here.

All I can say, is that man, has given us everything he could. Everything we are, is because he came along, and loved my mom, unconditionally. Even then time when she disappeared for a whole night, and worried us all, he STILL loved her.

She takes things really really forgranted, and I do wish I could find someone to love me the way my dad loves my mom. I know that I would try my best, to not treat anyone, the way my mom treats my dad.

*sigh*

past | present

Bledgirlblue - 2003

2002 Review - 12.20.02

.end.password.blows. - 12.04.02

.nothing.fuck.it. - 11.25.02

.im.good.friend. - 11.25.02