FeelingHopeFull: hey doll

FeelingHopeFull: how are you

CnfssnlGirl: hi!

CnfssnlGirl: i'm doing alright

CnfssnlGirl: how you doing/

CnfssnlGirl: ?

FeelingHopeFull: i am okay

FeelingHopeFull: thinking about some things i wish i wasn't right now, but i am holding together

CnfssnlGirl: what things?

FeelingHopeFull: my moms friend lisa had a miscarriage

FeelingHopeFull: and it just makes me think about mine

FeelingHopeFull: and stacy in an attempt to make me feel better, just made me feel lectured. and i don't really like people who haven't experienced it telling me that they understand

CnfssnlGirl: amanda.... i love you. but you need to get the fuck out of the past and start living for tomorrow.

CnfssnlGirl: I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth.

CnfssnlGirl: part of the reason your so down all the time is the fact that you start feeling sorry for yourself. Yeah, there are times to be down, and reflect, but you LEARN and you move on.

FeelingHopeFull: look. you have your baby. i don't. its as simple as that. i don't feel bad for myself. because for some reason god decided i didn't need it. and yes its probably a blessing but like i have explained to everyone before. until you have lost a child. you can't say get over it.

CnfssnlGirl: amanda

CnfssnlGirl: both my grandparents lost TWO Children

CnfssnlGirl: and it's like they dont' even have my mom

CnfssnlGirl: I've seen it MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE

CnfssnlGirl: I KNOW what it does to people

CnfssnlGirl: THINK about losing two children both when they are at the age 19

FeelingHopeFull: i am just sick of people telling me to get over it because i am not going to get over it. for a long time or maybe for ever

CnfssnlGirl: losing TWO children when you've raised them up to be adults, two children within a year of eachother.

Auto response from FeelingHopeFull: i just don't have it in me right now.

CnfssnlGirl: Amanda I love you, but I can't help you when you won't help yourself.

CnfssnlGirl: and for whatever it may be worth, I never told you to get over it.

CnfssnlGirl: You hold a lot of things inside, you don't let go. and it's not just the miscarriage.

CnfssnlGirl: The miscarriage I understand not being able to get over, but you can cope, you are only 17, you have the REST of your life to do whatever you want to do with it, you can marry someone, plan on having kids, you really are more lucky than you think honey. I can't regret getting pregnant, it doesn't look good. I love sydney, but I wish I would have had her WHEN i was ready. I give her all that i can, but i regret not being able to give her more. I cope with it, I don't hold on to what-ifs and you don't understands. People love you amanda, and you need to realize that.

CnfssnlGirl: I'm sorry that when you needed me I wasn't there. I really do try to help.

CnfssnlGirl: I'm going to leave you alone. I hope you get this.

past | present

Bledgirlblue - 2003

2002 Review - 12.20.02

.end.password.blows. - 12.04.02

.nothing.fuck.it. - 11.25.02

.im.good.friend. - 11.25.02