i am so tired of being ordinary. i want to be extraordinary. i'm tired of being the one who gets looked over, the one who doesn't matter, doesn't measure up. the one who everyone assumes will never accomplish anything big or make anything out of her self. i'm tired of being the one everyone is so surprised when i do something a little different. like renting amelie, everyone is like, i didn't know you would ever do anything like that. that just seems so not you.

maybe you don't know me the way you think you do

maybe you should quit making assumptions and trying to put me down where you think i belong

if someone would just say to me, erika, you can do it. you are so smart, and you have all these great qualities, and you can be an individual, and not be compared to someone who does ordinary things, never reaching to do above that.

don�t go for your associates degree, get your medical coding certificate first, in case you drop out of school, or fail. always set up for failure.. that�s me.

when people can't believe that i can do it, it makes me want to do it even more, and it makes me want to shove it in their fucking faces.

fuck you. i can do it.. see? i did it...

i want to be extraordinary.

what can i do to change this horrible mess of assumptions and degrading.. i'll never measure up.. that's what they all think...

levi thinks he's the failure.

what a joke....

he could never be the failure, he's succeeded his whole life.

he getting a's while i'm getting b's and c's and some d's.

he graduated, i graduated with a baby.

does anyone ever tell me how proud they are of me ??

no.

never.

welcome to the real world.

family? friends? fun?

hahahaha

maybe i just try too hard to be normal.... to analyze my actions, words, ways... and being paranoid

maybe sometimes it would be easier to be the bitch full-time , with the walls up, and the barricade sound. isn't anyone going to get in there... ever.

on my way to work sometimes, most times actually, I think about wrapping my car around the nearest tree or telephone pole. Would you believe I have a tree picked out already??

i really do

would that be expected of me ?

perhaps so.

selfish, failing, miserable me.

past | present

Bledgirlblue - 2003

2002 Review - 12.20.02

.end.password.blows. - 12.04.02

.nothing.fuck.it. - 11.25.02

.im.good.friend. - 11.25.02