do you ever feel like you are just "stuck" somewhere?? Like your life is just where it is, and it's going no where fast. Everything around you is moving, changing, but here you are, still forever dissapointing, and being lame. I feel like that now. I feel like I am the biggest dissapointment of my family, friends, and my boyfriend. I mean, come on, here I am, a 20 year old female, working 40 hours a week, and I go to college full time, only to always drop down to part time. I do nothing with my life after work except spend it at home, with the people who I disapoint. Hell, I'm such a disapointment, I probably disapoint my two year old daughter. Have you ever given so much to someone, that eventually, after they have fucked up so many times, you give them one last chance, and then, they do change, and they are better, not all the way better, but way better, but you just don't want to open up anymore because you're afraid that he/she's going to fuck you over again, and this time, you know your going to be ready for it? Well, that's how I feel, without wanting to feel that way.

Like, I feel...

what it all comes down to is that Nathan and I's relationship just started like two weeks ago for "real" when in fact, we were supposed to be real dec31st. So in essence, he has not acted like my boyfriend until two weeks ago.. so I wasted three months of emotions, time, and energy on shit that didn't exist, and wasn't attracted to me. Now, he is doing what he's supposed to, he's acting like I wanted him to, he's changed. but I've changed also, and I don't want to get hurt again.

past | present

Bledgirlblue - 2003

2002 Review - 12.20.02

.end.password.blows. - 12.04.02

.nothing.fuck.it. - 11.25.02

.im.good.friend. - 11.25.02